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Morgan's Story: Child Prostitution to Porn to Recovery!

Sun, 03/23/2014 - 1:55pm -- shelleylubben
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Average: 4.8 (5 votes)

My name is Morgan and from the time I was old enough to talk I’ve felt like the girl that the world rejected. I was born into a family of drug addicts. You could almost say that I was doomed before I even had a choice in the situation. My parents were high school sweethearts and right after they both graduated my mother became pregnant with me. They lived in a little shack like house. That is when they starting getting into heavy drugs like crystal meth and cocaine. My mother quickly became an alcoholic, as did my father. 

Around the time that I was four my parents had split up and my mom met her prince charming. He looked to be a wonderful man, and I was so happy that I was going to have a ‘daddy’ who would love me and be there for me every day. And the best part? He didn’t abuse drugs like my mother did. He was a casual user. 

As a victim of child abuse herself my mom was so happy to have found such a ‘wonderful man’ He quickly married my mother and moved us from our shack in Arkansas to Corona, California. It was like a dream. 

It wasn’t long after though that this dream would become a nightmare. I remember one instance when I was with my mother doing what I now know to probably be ‘pulling a trick’, and the Spanish man she was meeting saw me in the backseat of the car and I remember him asking her how much he would have to pay to buy me. Boy was I scared to death. That’s when he got in the front seat of the car and we went back to our house and he molested me. I don’t remember everything but the pain was excruciating.

To make things worse, around the same time my stepfather started molesting me. He always told me how beautiful I was and how much he loved me. At first, because I’d never had the real love that a father is supposed to give you, I thought it was normal. But, soon after, it wasn’t as sweet and gentle anymore. He started making me watch pornography with him while my mom was gone during the day working. He always kept me from going anywhere with my mom so he could keep me at home with him. I totally didn’t understand what was happening in front of my face on the television screen, I just knew what my stepfather told me which was, “Morgan baby, I love you. You love me don’t you?” I would bob my head up and down with the fear of losing his approval and he would say, “Good, because I love you more than anyone does. I love you more than your mom does. In fact, she doesn’t really want you. I love you so much that I want to show you how much I love you.” 

After that, he would start touching me and taught me how to perform oral sex. I absolutely hated it, but if I cried, he would just make it worse. He would then pop a porn movie in and tell me that I needed to act like the beautiful women I saw on the screen. He said that if I ever wanted anyone to love me I would have to act like those girls. He said that those girls were the happiest girls on the planet and that EVERYONE loved them. I was so used to being unloved that I believed him. 

One time, when my mom had left the house my stepfather picked me up off the couch and carried me into his bed. He pulled out a picture. It was of my mom performing oral sex on him. I was in shock. I wanted to be so much like my mom that it sealed the deal on how I would act for the rest of my life. It didn't end there. The scare in the backseat with my mom when the man asked how much she would charge for me became a terrible reality. I began to be sold for sex to random men for payment of drugs and money. When I should have been playing with barbie dolls, I was forced to be enslaved to my parents and to the buyers. 

By this time I had acted out sexually in some of the worst ways. My stepbrother who was only a few years older than me had begun to also engage in sexual activities with me. One time I even tried to act out with a young boy who lived down the street from me. When other little kids came over my house to play with me I would describe the scenes that were stuck in head from the porn movies. I told them all that when I grew up I wanted to be ‘one of those pretty girls that everyone loved’.

My mind was in such a dark place at such a young age. 

At seven years old I was finally taken out of the world of daily sexual abuse from my step-father. One day my mom disappeared and my stepfather kidnapped my little sister. I was left literally abandoned outside of our apartment complex sleeping under the swing sets. No one came to my rescue. No one seemed to care. 

A day later the Child Protective Services officers came and found me. That was a joke as well. I was moved around from home to home because no one wanted me. They said I had severe behavioral problems and that I would probably never be in a normal setting. I was even put in an inpatient behavioral state hospital. It was the worst time of my life. That is when I became victim of my first homosexual experience by a very large black girl. I tried to tell the staff at the hospital but they didn’t believe me. They’d call me a liar and then they sedated me because they said I was acting out and uncontrollable.

I was eventually adopted by my paternal grandparents who were very unprepared to deal with a young girl with my issues. Both spiritually and mentally I continued through my youth very damaged and promiscuous, always seeking out negative attention. I was always in the principal’s office getting in trouble for something or another. My grades failed all through high school. I missed more days than I actually attended. I’m pretty sure my grandparents loved me but, they didn’t know how to show it. My grandmother especially was more on the judgmental side and called me names like, ‘lazy’ and ‘different’. All I could do was call her a bitch under my breath. 

I was always alone and cried all of the time. By this time, I had had several sexual experiences with many different people. I didn’t see my value and I thought by having sex or doing sexual favors for boys that they would love me. 

Through all of this, I had been attending a church with a family friend and I truly did love Jesus... whether or not he loved me was a different story. I knew that he wasn’t happy with my behavior but I was so scared and angry that I didn’t care. I pretended in front of the right people. I’d had a few run-ins with the police because of the guys I had been with. I usually never got caught but this time I did and they were going to press charges on this guy whom I thought loved me for statutory rape, but I wasn’t going to have it. 

The police threatened me but I wouldn’t give the man up. Needless to say, the police were pretty pissed off and after that, they knew who I was by face. I became pregnant two different times by two different guys, both ending in a miscarriage. I started getting drunk almost every weekend to hide the pain and I also started smoking pot here and there and stealing pain killers. I often found myself homeless and sleeping outside in our local park when I wasn’t spending the night with friends. I wasn’t afraid of anything. I began having sex for money. 

It wasn’t soon after that I began to try to get into the adult industry. I knew that was one thing I was good at. I began to research different agencies and submit pictures of myself. I got an offer from a man who wanted to fly me out to his home in Southern California where the main stream porn industry is located and shoot a few amateur scenes- he promised me he could help me make it big. I wasn’t quite ready though.

But then, I found out about a legal brothel in Nevada who accepted all kinds of girls, and I then submitted an application along with pictures of myself. They were interested and I had plans on flying out soon after. I thought to myself that if I didn’t get in that I could just go on to California and look up the guy who wanted to ‘make me famous’. I was bound and determined to ruin my life. 

By this time my hero was Jenna Jameson. I idolized her. I thought she was the most wonderful person in the entire world. She was brave, empowered, and no one pushed her around- I thought. My childhood idol, Anna Nicole Smith had passed on when I was younger but until I found Jenna Jameson, she had still been my idol. 

Then one day I was surfing the internet and while looking for agencies and ads and I came across Shelley Lubben’s website. I actually laughed out loud when I read the heading, “The truth behind the fantasy of porn”. I thought to myself, “This woman SURELY doesn’t know what she’s talking about.” But then, I clicked around just out of curiosity and found her story and read it. Then I went to YouTube and watched her testimony. I was crying all through it and I was AMAZED that someone with her had come so far!! 

I was still a little leery so I decided to message her on her Facebook fan page and see if she actually “really cared about the girls” like she claimed to. It wasn’t even 24 hours when Shelley messaged me back and told me how much God loved me and how much she loved me. She told me that I was precious in God’s eyes and that he created me to be a champion.” I was in SHOCK! A champion I thought? What the HELL does she know? She then sent me a free copy of her book online and I read it. My outlook completely changed. She shared the ugly details of her life in the industry and the life of drugs and destitute and my heart was broken. Shelley had told me how I could go to college and get financial aid and so that’s what I did. 

Since the first time talking to Shelley and starting college and reading her book she has kept in touch with me EVERY SINGLE WEEK. She has sent me care packages and beautiful cards and even a Christmas present! Shelley has since continued to “feed the champion in me” on a weekly basis. Through Jesus Christ, Shelley has touched my life in a tremendous way. She has introduced me to some truly wonderful people to befriend me who are connected to the Pink Cross and she has taken me in as her own. She has stood in for me as the mother that I always longed for. Since moving to California, and a year later and a half later, I am truly a new creature! 

I have a vision for my life, dreams, goals, and passion. Jesus is my number one and He has opened up many new doors for me! I am so excited for my future and so incredibly blessed! I have recently been accepted into Vanguard University of Southern California and I am eager to see what God has for me! Pink Cross has truly become my family. Not just Shelley, but all of our team members. 

It’s so incredible how supportive everyone is. When I came on the scene and visited Bakersfield at a seminar and also the 2013 Christmas Outreach I was embraced and loved by each and every team member and board member. I love my Pink Cross Family. My story is simple really. It’s about so much more than me. It’s about a woman who cared about me so much that she wanted to prevent me from making the same mistakes that women who enter the industry do. She wanted to protect me and I know that God sent her to me.

I really want to thank those who donated to Pink Cross to save me out of a life of prostitution and porn. I wouldn’t be here today without your help and I wouldn’t have met my Savior Jesus Christ. Please keep donating so that other girls like me can have a second chance at life! You may donate here.

 
      
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Comments

Submitted by Jaylee (not verified) on
Rescued before even entering.... amazing!!!!

Submitted by Jessica (not verified) on
What a beautiful story of hope and redemption! Thanks you so much for sharing your story! Our God is too incredible for words and His love for us is inconceivable! I will be praying for you, Morgan, as you continue this journey and I think your desire to help others is so inspiring <3 God Bless!

Submitted by ovadozz on
Get close to God and be saved. I'm glad you are doing this good job to help save people from the porn industry . God would continue to guide you and protect you. God bless

Submitted by Genevieve Gilbe... (not verified) on
Dear Morgan, What a wonderful thing that God send you Shelley to start healing! Shelley is a HUGE inspiration to me as well. She had such an impact on me that I wanted to do just like her : help others who were in the same situation as me to have a better life. This is why I started Pink Cross Foundation Australia! I pray God helps you complete your studies and that you find the joy and comfort in his embrace, and ever lasting love for you. For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Submitted by russ (not verified) on
hey, i have a porn addiction... can u help me?

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