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Former Female Porn Addict Confession

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Former Female Porn Addict Confession

by Anastasia

I grew up in a loving home in Southeastern Michigan, with my grandparents and my mom. I've never had a good excuse for why I turned to alcohol and drugs, other than not having any type of relationship with my father.

In high school I started partying, binge drinking and giving myself away to guys sexually. After school, I would often watch porn videos with my friends. I admired the porn stars, and thought that's what a real love relationship with a guy was. My risqué behavior was awarded, and at end of my senior year of high school I was in Mock Elections for "life of the party".

In college, I joined a sorority, which continued to support my addictions, and even gave me another "award" for it. I was constantly in immoral and destructive relationships with guys.  And by relationships, I mean that most weekends I woke up in a bed and didn't know where I was or who was next to me.

I continued to watch adult movies all the time for entertainment and comfort. The alcohol and drugs had taken an immense toll on my immune system. I was constantly ill and hospitalized several times.

I moved to Kansas City in 2005 to try and start a new life, but only found myself myself more dependent on sex and alcohol, and marijuana too, and I lived for parties and clubs. I thought that's what life was all about, but I was really just trying to fill a void. 

One weekend my Mom came to visit and took me a church near my house. I didn't become free of addiction and pain immediately after stepping into church, but I still kept going back to church week after week, and I could feel Jesus changing my life. I started reading my Bible and praying regularly, even when I was still struggling hard with sin. It took a while, but eventually I became completely free from addiction and gave my life over the Lord.

It feels like this huge weight has been taken off my shoulders. I feel like a new person, but the Lord's given me a passion for those who are lost in addictions and sex. Without his saving grace it's hard to imagine what my life would be like or if I'd still have it. 

Because the Lord cleaned me up, I was able to finish my bachelor's degree in Sociology by studying things like addiction and women's rights, and continue on to a career and graduate school. Most importantly, I was able to ask for forgiveness from the Lord, my family and others I hurt, and also forgive myself. God has also led me to make a commitment to sexual purity until I'm married, and a commitment to reach out to addicts and victims who seem to have no hope or true happiness. For this reason, I have joined the Pink Cross Foundation team to reach out to porn stars and porn addicts to share God's saving grace with them and am especially interested in helping them overcome their substance abuse. God has done so much for me and I want to pass it onto others and see them experience the same healing I did. To God be the Glory. 

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