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Ex Male Porn Star Trent Roe Story

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Average: 5 (3 votes)
SL: How were you first introduced to the porn industry? 
 
RM: New Year’s Eve 1992.  Pulled over by porn star Dixie Downs in a BMW and was invited to her house the following week. We hit it off and had sex at her house before her kids came home from school. I thought I was infected when she told me she was a so called “actress” in the porn industry. I freaked and went NUMB. She could see the fear on my face thinking that I had AIDS. I was trippin’.
 
SL: Why did you want to do porn?
 
RM: When I met Dixie’s roommate Warren Scott, he convinced me that the testing was clean, safe and that everyone in the business is LOYAL. When I left Illinois, I told a friend I was moving to California to get paid to get laid. It took 7 years of dreaming about that statement to make it happen.
 
SL: What did you see going on in the porn industry? 
 
RM: A lot of sin and a lot of money making that didn't include the male talent. The average payment for services rendered was $100.00 to $150.00 a scene. All that for the possibility of contracting a deadly disease and infecting others in the process because testing is only every 30 days.  
 
SL: Do you think women enjoy making porn? 
 
RM: No, but they enjoyed the money and the drugs. We had everything we needed. Weed (yep, the gateway drug started it all), coke, speed, of course alcohol.
 
SL: Did you enjoy making porn?
 
RM: No, keeping an erection was almost impossible. So many things were going on at once. One minute I would have feelings for the girl and the next I was too high to care. It was a loveless, careless act.  

SL: What was your worst experience in porn? 

 
RM: The 1st one was the worst ever. May I quote myself to Warren as we walked on set “Oh My God, are you kidding me, A Granny Gang Bang, your kiddin’ me right? He replied, “If you can just get through this, you’ll get your check and we won’t answer these calls anymore. Don’t think you have to be a star, just get in the money shot.”
How I ever got through that is beyond me. I felt these women were too old to be in porn.
 
SL: Describe how you were treated in porn. 
 
RM: Nobody cared! I went to the next shoot and it went on from there. The men were actually treated better than the girls were. Mainly because of the male bonding that goes on in the porn industry. The producers were always males. Everyone on the set where males except for the makeup artist and one female performer. The porn industry is a male dominated industry. 
 
SL: Were there drugs and alcohol in porn?
 
RM: O.K., I was a dealer to the porn industry! I sold ounces of coke to producers for $800.00 and got em’ for $450.00… I wouldn’t sell anything less to the guy that signed my whopping $150.00 check. Never failed either, cuz I had the best in the valley coming from the Italians in the west valley. Women always smelled like alcohol. I grew up around that God awful smell on my father’s breath, so I knew it well. I had more women coming to meet me for coke at my spot on Roscoe and Fallbrook. I had one customer that was an editor for AVN. He would take a cab all over L.A.. He would come from Glendale to my spot in a cab every week for an ounce of weed that I only paid $200.00 and charged him $450.00. I paid my rent with drugs and made more money than I ever did in a porno. I had as many as 12 people a day buying drugs from me. I rode my bicycle to keep the traffic low and met everyone at the same spot 3 times a day. It worked flawlessly and destroyed a-lot of lives.   
 
SL: Describe any abuse you saw going on during a porn production.
 
RM: I watched a girl get slapped by her boyfriend hard enough to break her jaw. It made me want to rip his head off. Once I was with a girl getting gang banged in her mouth, vaginally, and anally while she vomited all over us. I had feces on my penis and vomit on my face and they still wanted us to keep going at it while she was limp and fainting. The director wanted the money shot or he would have to call us all back for another day. Do it or don’t get paid. That’s the mentality of the porn industry.
 
SL: Describe any abuse you witnessed among people in the porn industry, off the set.
 
RM: Porn Star Morgan Lefay. She made me ride with her to Jonathon Morgan’s House. She went inside and came out furious. She snapped and went home and got her gun after she dropped me off. A few weeks later I had a detective knocking on my door asking me what happened. I had no idea she had shot at him. The detective said Jonathon had gun powder burns on his face. Also a drug influenced situation. 
 
SL: What is your experience with STDS? 
 
RM: By the grace of God I never got any diseases, luckily.
 
SL: Describe the porn set. Was it a safe and healthful workplace?
 
RM: When I was in the industry, the fear of bodily fluids (semen, blood, urine, feces, saliva) was absolutely disregarded. It was as though everyone was completely comfortable with the fact that someone else's fluids were on each other. These fluids were on the floor, on the furniture and even on the rags and towels that were thrown to us to use to clean ourselves up during and after a scene. There is no protection or hygiene at all. We weren’t allowed to use condoms. The constant spreading of germs and disease ridden materials is not even considered by the employees of the production companies. The other ways that these fluids are spread around on the set are from toys and the distribution of them to the workers. They are thrown into boxes and given a once over with a rag containing rubbing alcohol and not thoroughly sanitized and or sterilized. That is unsanitary and completely unsafe.
 
SL: Were you afraid you would catch STDS or HIV? 
 
RM: No way. I was so high and convinced that the testing offices were really legit and would keep me safe. Didn’t realize it until after I was tested that it only took one scene to get something bad, or anything at all. We never were required to use condoms. I still had 29 more days to spread what I didn’t know I might have throughout the industry. As well as with whomever I could initiate into the business like Nina Cherry. She left the adult-film business in 1997 amid reports that she had tested positive for HIV, although she denied it and produced test reports showing that she had tested negative. That scared the hell out of me because I was with her first, before she was in porn. There were also times when girls would come from France and they didn’t speak any English. I was always weary about them bringing diseases over here. Porn star Liza Harper and her manager Cristophe were close friends for a while. When he told me that they were filming in Europe, I asked him if they do testing over there for STD’s. He replied with, “No”. I never worked with them again.
 
SL: Do porn stars also work as prostitutes on the side?
 
RM: Ya’ gotta be stupid not too. I sure did. I was living in Palm Springs and answered an ad in the local paper for males wanted for an escort service. They loved me the minute I walked in the door. I drove to Santa Monica to a hotel off the 405 all the way from Palm Springs for this lady a few times. She was beautiful and paid me better than any shoot ever could have. I couldn’t say no, I was only 27. I was sinning left and right. I was so far from salvation at this time in my life.
 
SL: How did you get out of porn?
 
RM: I got busted when I was 27 and spent 9 days in L.A. County Jail. When I got out of jail, my mom and dad took me in. I went to their house in Palm Springs and before I realized it, I was out of porn and into the escort business. First as a driver, then I was an escort for women only. I couldn’t escape. After months of severe meth usage, I quit cold turkey and went to Phoenix, Arizona. I enrolled at Universal Technical Institute and graduated with an associate’s degree in automotive Technology.  
 
SL: How are you treated now that you are out of porn?
 
RM: No one cares. They’re all gone. All the people that said keep in touch are either dead or still tweakin’. I can’t wait to see who pop’s up after this interview. In the past 10 years I have been honest with the women I have dated and told them that I was in porn. They always held my past against me. Whether they said it or kept it to themselves, I hated that. I could see it in the eyes. I just want to be loved and have a normal relationship. After all, I never had a chance to have one because I got into porn so early in my life. I hated it and that’s why I came to The Pink Cross! To find where to begin a new life and recognize a new found salvation.
 
SL: What were the consequences and negative effects from being in porn?
 
RM: I lost my respect for women. I grew up among a house full of women. I have 4 sisters and 3 brothers and every one of them are supporting me with speaking out against the porn industry. My own mother supports my decision to fight this industry. I had to find Jesus in myself in order to regain trust in women. It has been a struggle all of my life to try and have a stable healthy relationship. I’m over it. All I need is God.
 
SL: How has God helped you recover from porn? 
 
RM: I was living on a peach farm in Lancaster and had no food, heat, or love. I was going to kill myself because I couldn’t get the thoughts of the porno’s I did out of my head. So I stuck a gun in myself ready to kill myself when suddenly I heard God tell me to take the gun out of my mouth. I tried to pull the trigger and before you know it, it went off but nothing happened. He then led me over to porn star Sindee Coxx’s and I handed the gun to her camera man and husband Barry. (They used their ranch as a porn set) I wanted to die right there. I could feel the weakness in my legs and I knew that Satan had just exited my body. Then “IT” started. All the signs from God just started to pour into my soul. I disregarded him and went back into the deepest darkest state of confusion and pain accompanied by Satan’s custom built depression plan. I snapped out of it in 2006 when my ex-girlfriend found a picture of a box cover with Randi Storm in my pic’s folder. After two months of having nightmares, I moved out and went to church and I haven’t stopped since. I am a Christian and a Champion now.   
 
SL: What message would you give to other male porn stars?
 
RM: The 3 G’s
Get Out, Get Checked, Get Help from The Pink Cross
 
SL: What message would you give to men viewing porn?
 
RM: STOP. These women are someone’s daughter.
 
SL: How did you meet Shelley?
 
RM: I met Shelley in 2006 while looking for people to add on my friends list at myspace.com. I called her at 4am and she actually took my call, got out of bed and talked me out of doing anything stupid again. She immediately gave me love, and asked me for my address. I had no idea why. All I knew is that I was crying on the phone to a woman I didn’t know but respected because of the cause she stands for, fighting pornography. I immediately jumped on board as a Pink Cross Team Member. Our first meeting in person was awesome. Shelley and Mel met me at the Adultcon L.A. show in 2009. It’s odd, but we had each other laughing in minutes. They showed me love by praying with me before we went into the convention. Then we stormed the building like the F.B.I.. I was nervous like never before. More nervous than any porn I was in. I had the best team imaginable walking side by side with me into the convention. I felt untouchable! I felt the presence of God around me again and this time he was planning on staying with me forever.   
 
SL: What is your mission now?
 
RM: To get my video’s pulled off the internet. To clear my past by helping people that suffer from porn addiction and being in porn. To worship my Lord and Savior with the Pink Cross Team with my close and loving friend Shelley Lubben and her awesome husband Garrett. I appreciate all of the help I have received from the wonderful team at the Pink Cross and I look forward to a violent fight against the Underworld Pornography Ring. For I come in the name of Jesus Christ and I come to fight for my Lord God with his Word. I live now to fight for the children of God. I live now to fight the fight together with you Shelley as a sister in Christ. I will no longer sit by the sidelines and listen to the enemy try to tear my sister down. I will bear the cross until the day I die and IF I DIE FIGHTING THIS INDUSTRY, The world will know Ryan Lee Millay lived his last days for Jesus and keeping honor amongst men, not sin.
I love that when I came to Shelley at 4am, she was there! Everyone else was tweakin’.
You are a light unto him Shelley and I love you dearly, You are now, a woman of God and he holds you every morning.
Your Brother In Christ,
Ryan Lee Millay (aka) Trent Roe, Ex Porn Star
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