My work name was Genevieve and I want to tell you that the porn industry is not glamorous at all. Although on the surface it may appear to be fun and enjoyable, it really doesn’t compare to what lies beneath the surface.

I started in porn in 2009 when I was only twenty years old.

I loved and craved attention. I always believed that I was porn material because of how much attention I would get and how much love I would feel from it. My mother and father divorced five years ago and because of the emptiness I had felt for so long, I was desperate for love.

I remember browsing through ads on Craigslist when I approached one that attracted me. It was an ad that was for Latina women and it said that they needed pretty, slender, curvy girls to make fast and easy money. I was astonished because I needed the money to pay for school and clothes and I was going to get the attention I always loved and wanted.

I emailed the agents and believe it or not, they replied that same day. I was pretty excited to get to be a part of something that I wanted to do when they called me and told me to meet them that same day.

We went to a hotel and they started taking naked pictures of me so they could send them to two major companies in Florida. The next day, I went to the company and they also took naked pictures of me.

My First Shoot

At the shoot, I was nervous and scared. I never did anything on camera before and I was thinking was how it would feel to actually do something that the whole world was going to see. So to brush off my anxiety, I drank extra fluids and was given some vodka to lower my inhibitions.

I waited desperately to start my video, make the money, and leave. But not only did starting the video take time, making it was also very painful and time consuming. At the time, I thought that porn was fast and easy. But they wanted to take so many pictures. So not only did the pictures take time, but the lighting and sex positions needed to be perfect.

My experience was very bad and I didn’t enjoy it at all when they started filming. I was so surprised because when I watched porn, it didn't seem like it would be so hard to have sex on camera.

I didn’t do the sexual positions right and to conclude the experience, I had bodily fluids all over my face that had to stay on my face for ten minutes. The abuse and degradation was rough. I sweated and was in deep pain. On top of the horrifying experience, my whole body ached, and I was irritable the whole day. The director didn't really care how I felt; he only wanted to finish the video.

I thought my agents were there for me, but in actuality, they didn’t care about me at all.

After I said I wasn’t going to do anything anymore, they began to threaten me and make me feel like I was just a money making machine. Every time I made a video they would get 15% of my money.

It’s a terrible business. Women are used solely as sex objects and nothing more. The actresses are treated like dollar bills and there is no compassion and no comfort provided.

All I know is that porn is not what people think.

Hope In the Face of Hopelessness

The only hope I ever got from this devastating time was through the Pink Cross. Honestly, if it weren't for Pink Cross, I would be dead.

Shelley Lubben has truly been my inspiration and I hope that I become like her one day. She is very personalized with the sex workers rather than passive or aloof like many people who have organizations. She not only gave me advice, but also helped me get closer to God. She gave me a gift bag filled with lipstick, a book about God, and a signature letter telling me how special I am and how she was happy about how courageous I had been.

Before the Pink Cross, I felt like there was really no hope. But when I sought a way out of darkness, I started contemplating ways to help other people who have been or are becoming sex workers. My goal is to help people who have no other confidant, to help them learn that there are other pathways in life, and to see how God can help them find it.

Everything happens for a reason. I know that being in the sex industry was risky for me, but what I got from it was something bigger than life – the motivation to help those who can't get out, or feel like there is no other way out.

Sometimes I regret what I did, but then I think to myself, “When one door closes, another one opens.” I know now that there is something more to live for. Special thanks to the Pink Cross and also God because without his love there is nothing to live for.

- Genevieve